Last week I had my first job interview - maybe the first of many, maybe the last. As I travelled up to Bundaberg for the interview, I couldn't decide whether I was doing the right thing. Everyone was pleased to see me and told me how well I looked. But I didn't feel well at all. From the time I left on the train, to the time I returned to the Gold Coast, I felt literally sick, and I had a headache that just wouldn't go away.
Maybe it was just `motion sickness' - but I think it was more likely `FEAR'.
Have you every done something that has made you feel so ashamed that you couldn't bear to have anyone find out the truth? The Monday before I left, I had sent off my letter to Education Queensland. I had just spent the last two weeks going over all the `terrible' things people had said about me, trying to convince myself that everything they had said was not true. Trying to convince myself that it couldn't be true. Even if there was some truth in what they said, I had good reason for doing what I did - I was sick. The truth was, I had made some really stupid mistakes. I had let a lot of people down. I had failed!
So as I travelled to Bundaberg for this job interview, I was trying to think of some way I could cover my mistakes, some way I could put them in the past and move on, some way I could prevent anyone from finding out, `I was a bad teacher', `I was a failure'. Even if I got this job, would I not make the same mistakes again? I was putting on a brave face - but the truth was - I WAS TERRIFIED!!
After a short introduction they asked me the question I was dreading: "Why did you go to the Gold Coast? Why are you looking at coming back to Bundaberg?" It came out - I couldn't stop it - the TRUTH!! I went to the Gold Coast because I thought I would do a better job as a classroom teacher. For some reason I had lost faith in myself as a Learning Support teacher, and I thought I could do better in the classroom. I was wrong. I am not a capable classroom teacher, I made lots of mistakes, and now I am on stress leave. I want to be a Learning Support teacher again, but I don't feel ready - so I have applied for this Teacher Aide job.
I had blown it. What a stupid thing to say in a Job Interview? To admit to a possible Employer that you were a failure. But for some reason I felt good - I felt FREE. Their answer, `Thank you for your honesty'. After that, the rest of the interview wasn't too bad. I answered all their questions, as best I could, and then they showed me around the school.
In one of my recent BLOGS, I introduced you to a character in a book by B.J HOFF. A character, who learnt how to find freedom and peace through music. In one of her later books, "The American Anthem", I was introduced to a number of other characters, who found their freedom and hope, by facing some hidden TRUTHS, that they too had been too ashamed to share with others. But when the truth came out, it was wonderful to see how relationships bloomed, particularly their relationship with the Lord - the one who is "The WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE".
This week I sit waiting - not something I have very good at. Waiting to hear if Education Queensland is willing to give me a second chance, waiting to here whether Bundaberg Christian College is willing to give me a chance - holding on to this HOPE, that the TRUTH has set me free, as the Lord has forgiven me.
"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will not fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand." Psalm 37:23&24
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Monday, August 23, 2010
BECAUSE I LOVE YOU
I guess you've heard it many times before `If it wasn't for the Lord.....'. `If God wasn't on my side.....' . But I'm afraid you're going to hear it again, because the fact is if God didn't love me, if God wasn't by my side, if God was not there lifting me up each time I fell', I really don't know where I would be today.
On the weekend I was talking to a very special friend and her words really gave me a lift. "I am so proud of you, you have been so strong." Thank you Paulinne - it is great that people can see God working in me - but that's exactly what it is - GOD WORKING IN ME - why, BECAUSE HE LOVES ME.
I was out with lunch the other day, with a new friend and she was telling me her story, and again there were the words, `If I had not accepted the Lord as my Saviour, and allowed Him to take control', I'd hate to think where I'd be today. I have just finished reading the testimony of a woman, who in the grips of alcoholism, unemployment and physical abuse,' was able to say, "I always knew God had a better way for me." (Ready to Win Over Depression, Thelma Wells).
Have you ever stopped to think about all Jesus went through for you on calvary. I have - every time I feel pain or resentment. Oh the pain and resentment doesn't always go away, but it is a real help knowing that not only does Jesus understand what we are going through, but He did it,
BECAUSE HE LOVES US!!
On the weekend I was talking to a very special friend and her words really gave me a lift. "I am so proud of you, you have been so strong." Thank you Paulinne - it is great that people can see God working in me - but that's exactly what it is - GOD WORKING IN ME - why, BECAUSE HE LOVES ME.
I was out with lunch the other day, with a new friend and she was telling me her story, and again there were the words, `If I had not accepted the Lord as my Saviour, and allowed Him to take control', I'd hate to think where I'd be today. I have just finished reading the testimony of a woman, who in the grips of alcoholism, unemployment and physical abuse,' was able to say, "I always knew God had a better way for me." (Ready to Win Over Depression, Thelma Wells).
Have you ever stopped to think about all Jesus went through for you on calvary. I have - every time I feel pain or resentment. Oh the pain and resentment doesn't always go away, but it is a real help knowing that not only does Jesus understand what we are going through, but He did it,
BECAUSE HE LOVES US!!
Sunday, August 22, 2010
Touched By an Angel
There are some days I wake up with the fight in me, and other days like today, when I just feel too tired and depressed to do anything. You know that feeling.
One of the comments from our sermon this week at Church, was that if you are feeling this way, do something constructive. It may be something for others - like visiting the elderly, or simply for do something you never have time to do when you are busy `fighting'.
I guess it's an excuse, but it is raining today, and I don't like driving in the rain, so maybe tomorrow I might `visit the elderly'. Today though I have been reading again, God's promise to me from Daniel.
In Daniel 10, we come across Daniel tired and a little depressed I would think, as he thought about what was happening in Persia. He had been mourning and fasting for 3 weeks.
"Then a hand touched me and made my hands and knees shake. The man said to me, "Daniel, you are highly respected. Pay attention to my words. Stand up, because I have been sent to you." When he said this, I stood up trembling. He told me, `Don't be afraid Daniel, God has heard everything you said ever since the day you decided to humble yourself in front of your God, so that you would learn to understand things. I have come in response to your prayer." (Verses 10-12)
"Sir, because of this vision, pain has overwhelmed me, and I am helpless. " (Verse 16b)
"Don't be afraid. You are highly respected. Everything is alright! Be strong! Be strong!"
(Verse 19)
What more can I say to those of you out there feeling, like Daniel, and myself - tired, in pain, or depressed. BE STRONG! BE STRONG!
One of the comments from our sermon this week at Church, was that if you are feeling this way, do something constructive. It may be something for others - like visiting the elderly, or simply for do something you never have time to do when you are busy `fighting'.
I guess it's an excuse, but it is raining today, and I don't like driving in the rain, so maybe tomorrow I might `visit the elderly'. Today though I have been reading again, God's promise to me from Daniel.
In Daniel 10, we come across Daniel tired and a little depressed I would think, as he thought about what was happening in Persia. He had been mourning and fasting for 3 weeks.
"Then a hand touched me and made my hands and knees shake. The man said to me, "Daniel, you are highly respected. Pay attention to my words. Stand up, because I have been sent to you." When he said this, I stood up trembling. He told me, `Don't be afraid Daniel, God has heard everything you said ever since the day you decided to humble yourself in front of your God, so that you would learn to understand things. I have come in response to your prayer." (Verses 10-12)
"Sir, because of this vision, pain has overwhelmed me, and I am helpless. " (Verse 16b)
"Don't be afraid. You are highly respected. Everything is alright! Be strong! Be strong!"
(Verse 19)
What more can I say to those of you out there feeling, like Daniel, and myself - tired, in pain, or depressed. BE STRONG! BE STRONG!
Psalm 37
Turn with me to Psalm 37.
Have you ever read a passage in the Bible - one you've read a number of times - and found something new.
Psalm 37:3&4; 5, 7, 23&24. These are all well known passages, and uplifting:
"Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your hearts desire. Commit everything you do to the Lord, trust in Him and He will help you. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act."
"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."
These verses have helped me through many a difficult time, so it is not surprising that when I was told, `You have failed - again. You are no good. We don't want you'; I immediately turned to this Psalm.
These verses were comforting, but this time, it was Verse 6, that gave me the strength I needed to persevere.
"He will make your innocence as clear as the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun."
Yes, I have made mistakes - again. But I am not a bad person, so with the strength of this promise and the love of my friends, my husband and of course the Lord, I will begin my `fight' with Education Department.
Have you ever read a passage in the Bible - one you've read a number of times - and found something new.
Psalm 37:3&4; 5, 7, 23&24. These are all well known passages, and uplifting:
"Trust in the Lord and do good. Then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you your hearts desire. Commit everything you do to the Lord, trust in Him and He will help you. Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for Him to act."
"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will not fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand."
These verses have helped me through many a difficult time, so it is not surprising that when I was told, `You have failed - again. You are no good. We don't want you'; I immediately turned to this Psalm.
These verses were comforting, but this time, it was Verse 6, that gave me the strength I needed to persevere.
"He will make your innocence as clear as the dawn, and the justice of your cause will shine like the noonday sun."
Yes, I have made mistakes - again. But I am not a bad person, so with the strength of this promise and the love of my friends, my husband and of course the Lord, I will begin my `fight' with Education Department.
The Penny Whistle
Recently I started reading some books by another Christian author - B.J HOFF - in my favourit genre - Christian historical. The Gold Coast Library doesn't have such a good selection as Bundaberg, but I have been able to find a few good books.
I started reading this one - about a teacher and his students, back in the late 1800's. I nearly put it down, because it was difficult reading about much his students loved and respected him, and what a wonderful teacher he was. But I persevered, and the story started to get a little more interesting.
The teacher in the story, Jonathon Stuart, was a musician - he played a flute; but someone had stolen it. After this, and with the fact that he was ill, made him start to think about giving up teaching. He didn't think he could go on - without the `music in him'. I don't want to give the whole story away, but in the end the children made him a penny whistle, and he began playing again. Not only that, but his love for teaching and his health was somehow renewed.
I think you can guess what that `somehow' was.
"I was so terribly, terribly wrong. It was the abscence of hope that had stolen my music, not the loss of the flute. I was living a hopeless life because I hadn't taken God into account. I had simply given up. But God hadn't apparently given up on me. He had another plan....... He reminded me of something I already knew but had temporarily lost sight of. He reminded me that hope is the real music of the soul. Without it, the human spirit cannot sour, cannot rise above the things of this earth - and sing." Jonathon Stewart, "A Distant Music' - Mountain Song Legacy - B.J HOFF.
I now know I was supposed to read this book. Oh, I have never really lost my hope, but I had lost something. In the next few months, through reading God's Word, and other books, I know I will find that `something'. I hope you will come on my journey with me.
I started reading this one - about a teacher and his students, back in the late 1800's. I nearly put it down, because it was difficult reading about much his students loved and respected him, and what a wonderful teacher he was. But I persevered, and the story started to get a little more interesting.
The teacher in the story, Jonathon Stuart, was a musician - he played a flute; but someone had stolen it. After this, and with the fact that he was ill, made him start to think about giving up teaching. He didn't think he could go on - without the `music in him'. I don't want to give the whole story away, but in the end the children made him a penny whistle, and he began playing again. Not only that, but his love for teaching and his health was somehow renewed.
I think you can guess what that `somehow' was.
"I was so terribly, terribly wrong. It was the abscence of hope that had stolen my music, not the loss of the flute. I was living a hopeless life because I hadn't taken God into account. I had simply given up. But God hadn't apparently given up on me. He had another plan....... He reminded me of something I already knew but had temporarily lost sight of. He reminded me that hope is the real music of the soul. Without it, the human spirit cannot sour, cannot rise above the things of this earth - and sing." Jonathon Stewart, "A Distant Music' - Mountain Song Legacy - B.J HOFF.
I now know I was supposed to read this book. Oh, I have never really lost my hope, but I had lost something. In the next few months, through reading God's Word, and other books, I know I will find that `something'. I hope you will come on my journey with me.
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