"You will know the TRUTH, and the TRUTH will set you free."

Last week I had my first job interview - maybe the first of many, maybe the last. As I travelled up to Bundaberg for the interview, I couldn't decide whether I was doing the right thing. Everyone was pleased to see me and told me how well I looked. But I didn't feel well at all. From the time I left on the train, to the time I returned to the Gold Coast, I felt literally sick, and I had a headache that just wouldn't go away.

Maybe it was just `motion sickness' - but I think it was more likely `FEAR'.

Have you every done something that has made you feel so ashamed that you couldn't bear to have anyone find out the truth? The Monday before I left, I had sent off my letter to Education Queensland. I had just spent the last two weeks going over all the `terrible' things people had said about me, trying to convince myself that everything they had said was not true. Trying to convince myself that it couldn't be true. Even if there was some truth in what they said, I had good reason for doing what I did - I was sick. The truth was, I had made some really stupid mistakes. I had let a lot of people down. I had failed!

So as I travelled to Bundaberg for this job interview, I was trying to think of some way I could cover my mistakes, some way I could put them in the past and move on, some way I could prevent anyone from finding out, `I was a bad teacher', `I was a failure'. Even if I got this job, would I not make the same mistakes again? I was putting on a brave face - but the truth was - I WAS TERRIFIED!!

After a short introduction they asked me the question I was dreading: "Why did you go to the Gold Coast? Why are you looking at coming back to Bundaberg?" It came out - I couldn't stop it - the TRUTH!! I went to the Gold Coast because I thought I would do a better job as a classroom teacher. For some reason I had lost faith in myself as a Learning Support teacher, and I thought I could do better in the classroom. I was wrong. I am not a capable classroom teacher, I made lots of mistakes, and now I am on stress leave. I want to be a Learning Support teacher again, but I don't feel ready - so I have applied for this Teacher Aide job.

I had blown it. What a stupid thing to say in a Job Interview? To admit to a possible Employer that you were a failure. But for some reason I felt good - I felt FREE. Their answer, `Thank you for your honesty'. After that, the rest of the interview wasn't too bad. I answered all their questions, as best I could, and then they showed me around the school.

In one of my recent BLOGS, I introduced you to a character in a book by B.J HOFF. A character, who learnt how to find freedom and peace through music. In one of her later books, "The American Anthem", I was introduced to a number of other characters, who found their freedom and hope, by facing some hidden TRUTHS, that they too had been too ashamed to share with others. But when the truth came out, it was wonderful to see how relationships bloomed, particularly their relationship with the Lord - the one who is "The WAY, the TRUTH and the LIFE".

This week I sit waiting - not something I have very good at. Waiting to hear if Education Queensland is willing to give me a second chance, waiting to here whether Bundaberg Christian College is willing to give me a chance - holding on to this HOPE, that the TRUTH has set me free, as the Lord has forgiven me.

"The steps of the godly are directed by the Lord.
He delights in every detail of their lives.
Though they stumble, they will not fall,
for the Lord holds them by the hand." Psalm 37:23&24