Forgiveness - Breaking the Chain.

"Forgiveness breaks the chain. It cuts the cord between you and the last hurtful event." (Dr Henry)

"When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in Heaven will forgive your sins too." Mark 11:25

We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. Bad things happen and we will be hurt, even by those we love and trust. But if we are to experience the good God desires of us, we must let go of the `the bad' and the sting that it carries.

This doesn't mean we deny our hurts and the evil someone may have done against you. You need to feel the feelings, talk about the hurt and grieve. But then we need to seek reconciliation, and this isn't always easy.

I read a lot of Amish stories, and am always overwhelmed at their ability to forgive and not take people to court, even when someone has hurt them badly. eg. murdering their children, kidnapping their child. But, it doesn't mean they are still not hurting. `Shunning' is something that I find even more difficult to understand, for the `punishment' doesn't seem to suit the crimes. But the same hurt is there. When a person is shunned it is because they have broken the trust of their people and seem to be turning away from God and those who love them.

A number of years ago I wrote to my step-sister, seeking forgiveness for the anger I felt against her for the ways she had hurt me. My step-mother, with whom I'd had a great relationship in the past, wrote to me and said: "You have no right to feel the way you do". For many years, she basically `shunned' me and our relationship became very strained.

I realized many years later, that as her only Christian daughter, she expected more of me. We had a special relationship based on trust, and I had let her down. Whether I agree with her or not is not the issue. She wanted a `perfect' daughter, and until I admitted that the feelings I had were wrong, I could never be that daughter she wanted.

Unfortunately, that relationship was never truly reconciled, because it takes two, not just one to forgive. She never forgave me and I felt that she could never trust me. I was also quite stubborn and I couldn't (or wouldn't) admit that my feelings were wrong. My mother died, not knowing true reconciliation, because neither of us were willing to take that step of forgiveness.

How can I stop this from happening again? Is it ever possible to free oneself from the past and trust again?

I entrust my heart each day to different people - my husband, my friends, my minister, my colleagues - but I have discovered over the years that to trust them, I have to accept that they are not perfect. Trust is earned and it takes time. Sometimes the pain is too powerful. It `takes the wind out of your sails' and gives you less jest for life. But if I am to trust again, my relationships need to be based not on `one way forgiveness', but on true reconciliation.

Yes, it is possible to free oneself from the past and trust again. Why? Because we have been forgiven by God. He holds nothing against us. Humbled by His love and knowing that if we do `fall', he is always their to lift us up again, is the promise we have that makes forgiveness and true reconciliation that little bit easier.

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord upholds them by the hand." Psalm 37:23&24.

TRUSTING IN GOD'S SOVEREIGNTY.

One of the first courses I did as a teacher was the `William Glasser Behaviour Management' course. I discovered that the most intrinsic need for every human being is the need to be needed. For some of us though, that need is so strong it becomes an obsession, because along with that is the need for recognition.

On Sunday Pastor Dave spoke on the book of Ruth and the sovereignty of God. No matter what her circumstances Ruth just trusted God and was even willing to take some risks. She was able to put her life in His hands, giving up control and just resting.

I guess I am a little bit like Naomi, because on some days I sit around feeling a little sorry for myself. This morning I woke up wondering - why did God decide to leave me here, and take my sisters.

Mary was my `perfect' older sister. When it came to intellect and logical thinking, she would never have made the stupid mistakes in her life that I have. She was a Church elder, loved and respected by everyone in Mornington. Miriam, well she might have been a rebel teenager, but she grew up to be a natural mother and housewife. She always had a freezer full of baked goods for her husband to take to work and all she every wanted to do was have children to raise. Mary and Miriam, as leaders and servants accomplished so much in their short lives; and if you ask Mark and Aaron they'll tell you there were times they often envied their brother in laws and cousins.

Well, unlike Naomi, I don't sit around dwelling for long, because I have, like Ruth, learnt to rest in God's sovereignty. But I have discovered another intrinsic need: `the need to have a little control over my life and to have the power to choose.' I think Ruth might have had this need too and it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. You see she didn't want to spend her life sitting around depressed or suffering from `learned helplessness'. She got up, knowing God was sovereign, but she still had to do something to help Naomi. She didn't know what God had in store for her but she just knew that things would be okay.

She showed her faith when she said to Naomi: "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people and your God, my God." (Ruth 1:16) Then again when she said: "Let me go out into the harvest fields to pick the stalks of grain left behind by anyone who is kind enough to let me do it." (Ruth 2:2)

After nearly 30 years of marriage, Mark has resigned himself to the fact that there will never be `baked goods in our freezer.' Aaron has accepted that his Mum may be just a `little bit crazy'. She thinks NCIS is better than CSI (little sermon joke). As for being a Church elder - oh well!

You see, for some reason, beyond my understanding, God has decided to leave me here, even with all my intrinsic needs and obsessive behaviours. He is SOVEREIGN and I can TRUST IN HIS SOVEREIGNTY. I can't wait to hear Pastor Dave's sermon next week to find out just how much God blessed Ruth and Naomi, through their `redeemer' Boaz. I know how much I have been blessed through knowing and trusting my redeemer Jesus Christ.

There are still some days I may feel sad - I loved my sisters and I miss them a lot, so I am allowed. There are still days I feel that depression taking hold again, but I refuse to give way to helplessness. I love my husband, son and daughter-in-law, and I want to have some grandchildren. But most of all, I want to serve the Lord, knowing that what he has in store for me is `very, very good.'

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

* If you would like to be blessed by Pastor Dave's or Pastor Matt's sermons feel free to check out the Gold Coast Christian Family website.

Trust & Obey , There is No Other Way

I was visiting a elder and his wife who had not been well. It was part of my pastoral care duties, and Aaron was with me. I should have been perfectly safe - I was doing the Lord's work. Unfortunately, his wife wasn't home and I was just a naive young woman, so I stepped inside the house. I stepped into his room and before I knew it, I was not a naive young woman anymore.

This week I had arranged with our church's business manager to take a trip into Brisbane to help get books for our Bookstore. `Books' - my favourite word. `Christian Bookstore' - no worries. Then why am I so nervous. Why can't I sleep? I know what I'll do - I'll ring him in the morning and give him some excuse. I probably shouldn't go.

The first thing I did when I woke up was to get on the computer and there was an email - `arrangements have been made for next week. Oh, and Penny is on holidays so she'll be coming too.' It is hard to explain the relief I felt.

It was 20 years ago. That church elder who took away my naivety is dead. In fact, the Church does not even exist anymore. Why do I still have these feelings?

In the past few weeks I am been putting together a new `resume'. There is a section that asks for referees, and a little place to put a few of their comments. Ah! I have been putting this off. Oh I know my boss always seems to have nice things to say to me, but she has also said some hurtful things at times and we don't always agree. My Principal and Mentor - we have had a really good positive working relationship over the years - but there was that one time.

My mate, Charles Swindoll, wrote a whole book, called `Perfect Trust'. I've read it through, with my Bible by my side, probably at least 5 times. I have a pretty good handle on how to `trust the Lord with all my heart'. In fact it is my favourite bible verse. I can sing `Trust and Obey,' there is no other way' with gusto. It is one of my favourite hymns. I have no problem trusting God, so why do I have a problem trusting other people and myself.

Good question! Well, I've decided to seek out an answer. Back to my Bible, back to Charlie's little book and maybe Dr Henry might have some words of wisdom in this area. One things for sure - I need to do a lot praying.

GIFTS - HOW DO I USE MINE?

Mark and I had been at our Church in Bundaberg for 2 years and had become really good pew sitters. We didn't feel guilty as our Church didn't like `women speakers'. We were kept busy with communion helping and morning tea duty, and no one had asked us to teach Sunday School.

Then we went on holidays - our first trip to Tasmania. It was great, and while there we visited this Church of Christ in Launceston. They had just bought this big warehouse and were renovating it. They showed us around and then we had morning tea at their coffee shop. They told us about their goals to reach out to the community. We hadn't heard this kind of talk for a while, and Mark and I both couldn't wait to get back to Bundaberg to tell everyone what we'd seen. We got in the car and looked at each other - `we need to get more involved with Church'. This thought led to another 8 years of wonderful Children's and Youth ministry at Twyford Street Church of Christ.

Recently Mark and I have started helping at Sunday School at our new Church on the Gold Coast. After 30 years of Children's Ministry, you'd think we'd be fine. But when David and Jenny (our minister and his wife) walked in - "oh no"! I later discovered that Mark had the same problem, yet his was more practical. He worried that we'd get into trouble because we weren't members yet. But he kept on with his lesson.

Me - already to get up on stage (I used to be an actress), whispered in Laura's ear, `Go for it', and I quietly shrunk into the background. I was terrified and I just froze. My psychologist would not have been happy with me.

Mark and I talked about it later - both coming to the same conclusion that it was time to quit. We just didn't have those gifts anymore, but we still had the love for the children. During the week, as we read our Bible together, we prayed about this.

"In all that he did in his service of the Temple of God and in his efforts to follow God's laws and commands, Hezekiah sought His God wholeheartedly. As a result He was very successful."

2 Chronicles 32:21

"Hezekiah trusted in the Lord, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after his time. He remained faithful to the Lord in everything, and he carefully obeyed all the commands the Lord had given Moses. So the Lord was with Him and Hezekiah was successful in everything he did." 2 Kings 18:5-7

One morning when we finished praying, we look at each other: "We need to get more involved in the Children Church."

Where is God leading us? How do we use our gifts? Is it in Children's Ministry, which we both love, or has God something else planned. At the moment, He only knows!! But when He tells us, we'll be ready!

FORGIVENESS - the Key.

Today is my wedding anniversary - 28years of not always wedded bless. What has helped us through some of those bad times has been a gift God has given us both - the GIFT OF FORGIVENESS.

So, why, if I find this so easy to do in my marriage, am I finding is so hard to do in other areas of my life. When I received my letter from Education Queensland telling me I could `fight' their decision to terminate my employeement, I was in no condition to do so. In fact at the time I didn't think they had done anything wrong. I had made the mistake of moving out of my speciality into the classroom. I was the bad teacher. I was the one who had let my depression effect my work.

Later after speaking with other `hard done by' ex-employees (as they called themselves), I realized I did have other choices. They could have given me a lot better counselling, they could have offered me the opportunity for leave, and most of all, they had no right to deny me of my long-service.

I was ready to fight, but I had another way of doing it. I was going to get a job with another Education Department - I was going to show them!! I would move on - WITHOUT FORGIVENESS and heart still full of bitterness.

Recently, I received a letter from NSW Teach (Education Department). They had turned down me down.

"In view of the Departments (NSW) Occupation Health and Safety Policy, my employment with NSW Teaching Service could seriously compromise the Departments duty of care."

"We also note that there were issues relating to to your performance as a teacher while employed with Education Queensland."

I was a health risk! How dare they! Now I was ready to fight. All I needed was that `Disability Act'. And what about these issues with Education Queensland - it's all their fault. I will never get a job now - because of them. The bitterness grew and grew and we all know what happens to a heart full of unforgiveness and bitterness.

"Their mouths are full of bitterness...... destruction and misery always follow them. They don't know where to find peace. They have no fear of God at all." Romans 3:14-18

Thank you Lord for your Word, and thank you for sending along my old mate Dr Henry - just in time. You don't want to fight - you want to move forward. `The problem is you.' If I take this new bitterness, this hurt into a new relationship (workplace) I am a health risk to myself, my students and my colleagues.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger. harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behaviour. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER, just as God, through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31&32

But I loved working for Education Queensland and I have been looking forward to being back in a school environment. I made a mistake, they made mistakes, but I cannot move on until I have this freedom from guilt and bitterness. I need to FORGIVE myself and the department.

I thank everyone who has supported me with their kind comments and reminders of God's love for me. But until I can `hold my head high and live free, walking through life without shame, guilt and bitterness', I can never have a brand new start - wherever God intends that to be.

Pray with me, and I will pray for you too. Is there anyone you need to forgive, so that you can move on? Do you need to accept the total forgiveness from our Lord who died on the cross so that you can have this total freedom. Take this first step with me, and together we can `find that peace and rest.'

"Come to me, all you who are tired from carrying heavy loads (of unforgiveness, bitterness and guilt) and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28

Welcome to the New Year.

I promised I would not sit down at the computer until the New Year, but my journal is just so full of God's promises I couldn't wait any longer. It is New Years eve - that's close!!

Some of my wonderful friends have acknowledge how much I have grown in 2011:

"Your love and caring touches us all with your blessed presence." (My boss at Kip McGrath).

"I am proud of how you continue to declare your faith - I believe He is also proud of you." (My best friend and encourager).

But I still have a long way to go! I am still in such a hurry to take new steps before I am ready.

"You need to grow and develop your skills. One of the best things you can do is to work on who you are as a person". (Dr Henry Cloud: "The Secret Things of God).

There are 4 main things I need to be able to do before I can `move on', or I will just keep falling down again. They all involve lots of trusting in the Lord, reading His Word and praying.

1. I need to FORGIVE - both myself and Queensland Education.

2. I need to BELIEVE IN MYSELF AGAIN - what do I say when people ask `why aren't you teaching with Qld Ed. anymore, like at job interviews.

3. How can I USE MY GIFTS in other areas of employment? - as a tutor, as a writer, in the Church.

4. I need to TRUST AGAIN - asking for references. What are they actually going to say about me?

In the next few BLOGS, I will have a look at these 4 things in a little more depth, and as I do - I ask for you to PRAY WITH ME, as I continue to seek to `develop my skills, gain wisdom and knowledge and most of all GET CLOSER TO GOD!!`

4.

Money or Service - Can I Have Both?

This week as been busy and quite stressful. Why? Well, lately I have been having a little spiritual struggle. I've called it `Money or Service - Can I Have Both'. In the last couple of weeks I have started a new job as a Tutor. It started with just a little work with Kip McGrath, but then they wanted more, and then another Tutoring Group wanted me for some private Tutoring - a family of ESL Indian children. The little more money would be very handy at the moment, but this would mean giving up my volunteer tutoring at Church.

Oh, I have been getting a lot of encouragement, "there is nothing wrong with money' and `your best ministry can be done outside Church'. Still, I hadn't accepted these, and was still feeling quite guilty. Even when the Church told me they had decided to give their tutoring ministry a break for now. I thanked the Lord for this `way out', but I still blamed myself a little. The Lord and I have been talking this out, but still I felt no freedom - until TODAY.

Last week Pastor David finished our series on Daniel. His other sermons have been good, but I didn't really need a challenge in the areas of integrity and standing up for what I believe. These come naturally. It was the OBEDIENCE and FAITHFULNESS that were my little struggles of late. Although not mentioned in his sermons, my favourite verse that I was having the most hassles with.

"The wise will shine like the brightness. Those who teach others to live right will shine like the stars forever." Daniel 12:3

Ever since I was a child and had made my first decision to accept Christ as my Saviour, all I've ever wanted to be was his SERVANT. I wanted to `SHINE'. Guilt has always been the thing that has not only prevented me from doing this, but had lately also taken away the joy I find in service and worship. (Romans 12:1)

In the back of my Bible I have written a few notes from todays sermon. "God is `missio dei' - a God of missions. He prepares the way for us and then shows us where to go. Even though I was brought up in what some might call a very `sheltered spiritual family', I always found myself in situations, outside the Church where the Lord could use me. As a student and later a teacher in the Public School system, as a Foster Parent, as an Army wife, reaching out to the community with Kids Club, and now I am in what some might call the `sin city' of Queensland, the Gold Coast.

After my bout with depression and the loss of my job in the Public School system, I truly believed it was time I got some encouragement by working in a Christian senting. But the Private Schools didn't want me and I didn't get the Chaplaincy job or Children's pastoral jobs I applied for. Now I am called back to teaching - back into the big, wide world again. As for the joy in service - I find no greater joy than seeing a child's eyes light up when they learn something new.

Another of my greatest joys is music - especially worship. One thing I have missed not being at Bundaberg Church, is having someone make the comment each week, "Your smile when you sing just adds something to our worship." It's easier to smile when you know the words of a song and don't need to concentrate on `getting it right'. This morning in Church I decided to SMILE. I would sing for joy and not worry about whether I sang in key or not.

"My chains are gone, I've been set free." (Chris Tomlin, Louie Giglio). I don't know what chains were binding Chris and Louie when they wrote this `new' chorus of `Amazing Grace'. Maybe, like John Newton, they had just discovered the freedom that came with forgiveness and committment to Christ. For me, those chains have been guilt and fear, and as I am set free from these binds, I can move forward in service for my Lord, wherever that may be.