LIFESTYLE FAITH

Sometimes I feel a little guilty about my relationship with God. I don't get up at 5o'clock to pray like I used to see my step-mother doing. I read my Bible and pray in the morning, petitioning for my day; but sometimes I forget to thank him at night.

But you see, my faith is a `lifestyle faith'. I talk to God when I get in the car. I thank Him for being at work with me. I put my music on and sing his praises as I do my housework.

There were some people in the Bible that you would call perfect believers either: like Noah, Abraham, Joseph, Rahab and David - liars, drunkards, laughers, deceivers, big headed and adulterers. These people simply believed that God existed and they trusted Him most of the time, rather than themselves.

No don't get my wrong, I am not advocating any lieing, drunkardness, pride and adultery, nor am I saying that trusting God is easy, especially in times of trial. I've said it before, `trusting God doesn't necessarily make life rosy, beautiful, neat, lovely, financially secure and comfortable'. But perfect trust changes us and it pleases God. It doesn't always take away the worry, but it does help you to relax a little and to say, `Lord, this is your battle'.

One of the best testimonies I have ever given was at the end of a really bad week. It wasn't exactly what my pastor had expected, and he kept giving me that look and tapping his watch. Yet, afterward, a young mother came up to me. She had an autistic boy and a young daughter. Her husband was away at the mines. She simply said, `Thankyou, I didn't know I was allowed to feel that way, but now I know I don't have to be angry at God as well.'

How had I been feeling? Depressed and angry at the world, but why wasn't I angry with the Lord. Because after 39 years as his daughter, I had learnt that a relationship with God was built on a lifestyle faith, based on His sovereignty.

This is my LIFESTYLE FAITH:

* HIS PRESENCE IS ALWAYS BE WITH ME.

"I know the Lord is always with me. I will not be shaken, for He is right beside me."

Psalm 16:8

* HE GIVES ME THE ABILITIES TO DO WHAT HE WANTS ME TO DO.

"God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts. Use them well to serve one another." 1 Peter 5:10

* HE GIVES ME GUIDANCE AND SHEPHERDS ME THROUGH LIFE.

"The Lord is my shepherd; I have all I need. He lets me rest in green meadows. He leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths."

Psalm 23:1-3

* HE HELPS ME GROW AND GET PAST MY `ISSUES'.

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow."

James 1:2&3

*HE GIVES ME COUNSEL WHEN I NEED WISDOM.

"If you need wisdom, ask our generous God and He will give it to you." James 1:5

* HE LEADS ME THROUGHOUT MY LIFE - ONE DAY AT A TIME.

"Let me hear of your unfailing love each morning, for I am trusting you. Show me where to walk for I give myself to you." Psalm 143:8

* HE HELPS ME BE MORE LOVING, HOPEFUL, CONFIDENT AND COURAGEOUS.

"So do not throw away this confident trust in the Lord. Remember the great reward it brings you. Patient endurance is what you need now, so that you will continue to do God's will. Then you will receive all that He has promised." Hebrews 10:35&36

* HE PROVIDES FOR MY NEEDS AND HELPS ME NOT TO BE SO ANXIOUS AND WORRIED.

"Give all your worries and cares to God, for He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:7

* HE COMFORTS ME IN PAIN AND LOSS.

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; He rescues those whose spirits are crushed."

Psalm 34:18

I will probably never be asked to speak at the `Hillsong Women's Convention', and I have to tell you my Pastor never asked me to speak again. Still, I know that my sovereign God is worthy of my perfect trust, and he is worthy of yours too!!

Trusting - Remembering Positive Trust Experiences.

* Before I begin, just remember you need to go back and read previous BLOGS so you are getting my `drift'. Have digressed a little, but I'm back on track again. I think!!

"Trust in the Lord and do good, then you will live safely in the land and prosper. Take delight in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust Him and He will help you." Psalm 37:3-5

Dr Henry was telling this story:

"A man once told me that he didn't trust anyone. I told him that was impossible and he was in denial, bit if it made him feel better that he was insulated and independent, more power to him. Then I asked him: `Did you drive here today? If you did you trusted hundreds of people on the road headed right at you'. Did you eat today? If so, you trusted that all those who prepared your food did not pass E.coli onto you. Have you ever flown? When you fly, you trust the pilot not to be on cocaine that day. So don't tell me you don't trust anyone."

This man's real problem was that he didn't trust God and he was unable to take those little growth steps in trusting others.

"Trust moves us beyond where we are and connects us with what he wants to do for us and what he wants us to do for him" Dr Henry

Thirty nine years ago I took that step to trust God in my life, and since then amazing things have happened. My faith and trust in God have led to blessings galore. I have accomplished things I never thought possible. Here are some of them:

*Marriage - I used to be terrified of telling my husband when I'd made mistakes or failed. Now it is a lot easier, because I know he is not going to yell at me or be-little me. There will always be a hug and a listening ear.

* Children - I often tell the story of when Aaron was a baby and we had him in the back of our van (silly, but in those days, we didn't know any different). He was asleep when for some reason the back doors of the van blew open and all our luggage fell out. When we stopped to look, there was Aaron fast asleep in the back. That is an extreme case of course, but over the years I have trusted the Lord, as well as doctors and his teachers with the health and well-being of my son. God has kept his promise that he would take care of him, and that one day he would marry a lovely Christian woman and be serving in a Church. I continue to trust the Lord and his lovely wife to take care of him.

*Career - my story of how I got into Uni. and got through is not only a BLOG in itself, but a whole BOOK. But to summarize - simply, I applied and was denied in one state. Mark received a transfer to Brisbane, and I was then accepted into Griffith University - the only University at that stage that did a specialized Bachelor of Education in Special Needs - just what I needed to do the work God wanted me to do - worked for the last 10 years I have done with a passion.

* Community of faith and friends - relationships with work colleagues never worked well for Mark and I. We both have intrinsic personalities, enjoying being together rather than going to parties or down to the pub. But the few, faithful friends whom we know we can TRUST, usually from Church, have always been there for us.

Of course, if you read any of my books or previous BLOGS, you'll discover that life hasn't always been a `bed of roses' - but God never promised me that would be the case. But he did promise me He would `never leave me nor forsake me'.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or discouraged. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go." Joshua 1:9

"We can count on GOD'S MERCY for our past mistakes. We can count on GOD'S LOVE for our present needs. We can count on GOD'S SOVEREIGNTY for our future." Augustine.

Forgiveness - Breaking the Chain.

"Forgiveness breaks the chain. It cuts the cord between you and the last hurtful event." (Dr Henry)

"When you are praying, first forgive anyone you are holding a grudge against, so that your Father in Heaven will forgive your sins too." Mark 11:25

We live in an imperfect world with imperfect people. Bad things happen and we will be hurt, even by those we love and trust. But if we are to experience the good God desires of us, we must let go of the `the bad' and the sting that it carries.

This doesn't mean we deny our hurts and the evil someone may have done against you. You need to feel the feelings, talk about the hurt and grieve. But then we need to seek reconciliation, and this isn't always easy.

I read a lot of Amish stories, and am always overwhelmed at their ability to forgive and not take people to court, even when someone has hurt them badly. eg. murdering their children, kidnapping their child. But, it doesn't mean they are still not hurting. `Shunning' is something that I find even more difficult to understand, for the `punishment' doesn't seem to suit the crimes. But the same hurt is there. When a person is shunned it is because they have broken the trust of their people and seem to be turning away from God and those who love them.

A number of years ago I wrote to my step-sister, seeking forgiveness for the anger I felt against her for the ways she had hurt me. My step-mother, with whom I'd had a great relationship in the past, wrote to me and said: "You have no right to feel the way you do". For many years, she basically `shunned' me and our relationship became very strained.

I realized many years later, that as her only Christian daughter, she expected more of me. We had a special relationship based on trust, and I had let her down. Whether I agree with her or not is not the issue. She wanted a `perfect' daughter, and until I admitted that the feelings I had were wrong, I could never be that daughter she wanted.

Unfortunately, that relationship was never truly reconciled, because it takes two, not just one to forgive. She never forgave me and I felt that she could never trust me. I was also quite stubborn and I couldn't (or wouldn't) admit that my feelings were wrong. My mother died, not knowing true reconciliation, because neither of us were willing to take that step of forgiveness.

How can I stop this from happening again? Is it ever possible to free oneself from the past and trust again?

I entrust my heart each day to different people - my husband, my friends, my minister, my colleagues - but I have discovered over the years that to trust them, I have to accept that they are not perfect. Trust is earned and it takes time. Sometimes the pain is too powerful. It `takes the wind out of your sails' and gives you less jest for life. But if I am to trust again, my relationships need to be based not on `one way forgiveness', but on true reconciliation.

Yes, it is possible to free oneself from the past and trust again. Why? Because we have been forgiven by God. He holds nothing against us. Humbled by His love and knowing that if we do `fall', he is always their to lift us up again, is the promise we have that makes forgiveness and true reconciliation that little bit easier.

"The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord upholds them by the hand." Psalm 37:23&24.

TRUSTING IN GOD'S SOVEREIGNTY.

One of the first courses I did as a teacher was the `William Glasser Behaviour Management' course. I discovered that the most intrinsic need for every human being is the need to be needed. For some of us though, that need is so strong it becomes an obsession, because along with that is the need for recognition.

On Sunday Pastor Dave spoke on the book of Ruth and the sovereignty of God. No matter what her circumstances Ruth just trusted God and was even willing to take some risks. She was able to put her life in His hands, giving up control and just resting.

I guess I am a little bit like Naomi, because on some days I sit around feeling a little sorry for myself. This morning I woke up wondering - why did God decide to leave me here, and take my sisters.

Mary was my `perfect' older sister. When it came to intellect and logical thinking, she would never have made the stupid mistakes in her life that I have. She was a Church elder, loved and respected by everyone in Mornington. Miriam, well she might have been a rebel teenager, but she grew up to be a natural mother and housewife. She always had a freezer full of baked goods for her husband to take to work and all she every wanted to do was have children to raise. Mary and Miriam, as leaders and servants accomplished so much in their short lives; and if you ask Mark and Aaron they'll tell you there were times they often envied their brother in laws and cousins.

Well, unlike Naomi, I don't sit around dwelling for long, because I have, like Ruth, learnt to rest in God's sovereignty. But I have discovered another intrinsic need: `the need to have a little control over my life and to have the power to choose.' I think Ruth might have had this need too and it wasn't necessarily a bad thing. You see she didn't want to spend her life sitting around depressed or suffering from `learned helplessness'. She got up, knowing God was sovereign, but she still had to do something to help Naomi. She didn't know what God had in store for her but she just knew that things would be okay.

She showed her faith when she said to Naomi: "Don't ask me to leave you and turn back. Where you go, I will go. Your people will be my people and your God, my God." (Ruth 1:16) Then again when she said: "Let me go out into the harvest fields to pick the stalks of grain left behind by anyone who is kind enough to let me do it." (Ruth 2:2)

After nearly 30 years of marriage, Mark has resigned himself to the fact that there will never be `baked goods in our freezer.' Aaron has accepted that his Mum may be just a `little bit crazy'. She thinks NCIS is better than CSI (little sermon joke). As for being a Church elder - oh well!

You see, for some reason, beyond my understanding, God has decided to leave me here, even with all my intrinsic needs and obsessive behaviours. He is SOVEREIGN and I can TRUST IN HIS SOVEREIGNTY. I can't wait to hear Pastor Dave's sermon next week to find out just how much God blessed Ruth and Naomi, through their `redeemer' Boaz. I know how much I have been blessed through knowing and trusting my redeemer Jesus Christ.

There are still some days I may feel sad - I loved my sisters and I miss them a lot, so I am allowed. There are still days I feel that depression taking hold again, but I refuse to give way to helplessness. I love my husband, son and daughter-in-law, and I want to have some grandchildren. But most of all, I want to serve the Lord, knowing that what he has in store for me is `very, very good.'

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so that we can do the good things He planned for us long ago." Ephesians 2:10

* If you would like to be blessed by Pastor Dave's or Pastor Matt's sermons feel free to check out the Gold Coast Christian Family website.

Trust & Obey , There is No Other Way

I was visiting a elder and his wife who had not been well. It was part of my pastoral care duties, and Aaron was with me. I should have been perfectly safe - I was doing the Lord's work. Unfortunately, his wife wasn't home and I was just a naive young woman, so I stepped inside the house. I stepped into his room and before I knew it, I was not a naive young woman anymore.

This week I had arranged with our church's business manager to take a trip into Brisbane to help get books for our Bookstore. `Books' - my favourite word. `Christian Bookstore' - no worries. Then why am I so nervous. Why can't I sleep? I know what I'll do - I'll ring him in the morning and give him some excuse. I probably shouldn't go.

The first thing I did when I woke up was to get on the computer and there was an email - `arrangements have been made for next week. Oh, and Penny is on holidays so she'll be coming too.' It is hard to explain the relief I felt.

It was 20 years ago. That church elder who took away my naivety is dead. In fact, the Church does not even exist anymore. Why do I still have these feelings?

In the past few weeks I am been putting together a new `resume'. There is a section that asks for referees, and a little place to put a few of their comments. Ah! I have been putting this off. Oh I know my boss always seems to have nice things to say to me, but she has also said some hurtful things at times and we don't always agree. My Principal and Mentor - we have had a really good positive working relationship over the years - but there was that one time.

My mate, Charles Swindoll, wrote a whole book, called `Perfect Trust'. I've read it through, with my Bible by my side, probably at least 5 times. I have a pretty good handle on how to `trust the Lord with all my heart'. In fact it is my favourite bible verse. I can sing `Trust and Obey,' there is no other way' with gusto. It is one of my favourite hymns. I have no problem trusting God, so why do I have a problem trusting other people and myself.

Good question! Well, I've decided to seek out an answer. Back to my Bible, back to Charlie's little book and maybe Dr Henry might have some words of wisdom in this area. One things for sure - I need to do a lot praying.

GIFTS - HOW DO I USE MINE?

Mark and I had been at our Church in Bundaberg for 2 years and had become really good pew sitters. We didn't feel guilty as our Church didn't like `women speakers'. We were kept busy with communion helping and morning tea duty, and no one had asked us to teach Sunday School.

Then we went on holidays - our first trip to Tasmania. It was great, and while there we visited this Church of Christ in Launceston. They had just bought this big warehouse and were renovating it. They showed us around and then we had morning tea at their coffee shop. They told us about their goals to reach out to the community. We hadn't heard this kind of talk for a while, and Mark and I both couldn't wait to get back to Bundaberg to tell everyone what we'd seen. We got in the car and looked at each other - `we need to get more involved with Church'. This thought led to another 8 years of wonderful Children's and Youth ministry at Twyford Street Church of Christ.

Recently Mark and I have started helping at Sunday School at our new Church on the Gold Coast. After 30 years of Children's Ministry, you'd think we'd be fine. But when David and Jenny (our minister and his wife) walked in - "oh no"! I later discovered that Mark had the same problem, yet his was more practical. He worried that we'd get into trouble because we weren't members yet. But he kept on with his lesson.

Me - already to get up on stage (I used to be an actress), whispered in Laura's ear, `Go for it', and I quietly shrunk into the background. I was terrified and I just froze. My psychologist would not have been happy with me.

Mark and I talked about it later - both coming to the same conclusion that it was time to quit. We just didn't have those gifts anymore, but we still had the love for the children. During the week, as we read our Bible together, we prayed about this.

"In all that he did in his service of the Temple of God and in his efforts to follow God's laws and commands, Hezekiah sought His God wholeheartedly. As a result He was very successful."

2 Chronicles 32:21

"Hezekiah trusted in the Lord, the God of Israel. There was no one like him among all the kings of Judah, either before him or after his time. He remained faithful to the Lord in everything, and he carefully obeyed all the commands the Lord had given Moses. So the Lord was with Him and Hezekiah was successful in everything he did." 2 Kings 18:5-7

One morning when we finished praying, we look at each other: "We need to get more involved in the Children Church."

Where is God leading us? How do we use our gifts? Is it in Children's Ministry, which we both love, or has God something else planned. At the moment, He only knows!! But when He tells us, we'll be ready!

FORGIVENESS - the Key.

Today is my wedding anniversary - 28years of not always wedded bless. What has helped us through some of those bad times has been a gift God has given us both - the GIFT OF FORGIVENESS.

So, why, if I find this so easy to do in my marriage, am I finding is so hard to do in other areas of my life. When I received my letter from Education Queensland telling me I could `fight' their decision to terminate my employeement, I was in no condition to do so. In fact at the time I didn't think they had done anything wrong. I had made the mistake of moving out of my speciality into the classroom. I was the bad teacher. I was the one who had let my depression effect my work.

Later after speaking with other `hard done by' ex-employees (as they called themselves), I realized I did have other choices. They could have given me a lot better counselling, they could have offered me the opportunity for leave, and most of all, they had no right to deny me of my long-service.

I was ready to fight, but I had another way of doing it. I was going to get a job with another Education Department - I was going to show them!! I would move on - WITHOUT FORGIVENESS and heart still full of bitterness.

Recently, I received a letter from NSW Teach (Education Department). They had turned down me down.

"In view of the Departments (NSW) Occupation Health and Safety Policy, my employment with NSW Teaching Service could seriously compromise the Departments duty of care."

"We also note that there were issues relating to to your performance as a teacher while employed with Education Queensland."

I was a health risk! How dare they! Now I was ready to fight. All I needed was that `Disability Act'. And what about these issues with Education Queensland - it's all their fault. I will never get a job now - because of them. The bitterness grew and grew and we all know what happens to a heart full of unforgiveness and bitterness.

"Their mouths are full of bitterness...... destruction and misery always follow them. They don't know where to find peace. They have no fear of God at all." Romans 3:14-18

Thank you Lord for your Word, and thank you for sending along my old mate Dr Henry - just in time. You don't want to fight - you want to move forward. `The problem is you.' If I take this new bitterness, this hurt into a new relationship (workplace) I am a health risk to myself, my students and my colleagues.

"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger. harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behaviour. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER, just as God, through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31&32

But I loved working for Education Queensland and I have been looking forward to being back in a school environment. I made a mistake, they made mistakes, but I cannot move on until I have this freedom from guilt and bitterness. I need to FORGIVE myself and the department.

I thank everyone who has supported me with their kind comments and reminders of God's love for me. But until I can `hold my head high and live free, walking through life without shame, guilt and bitterness', I can never have a brand new start - wherever God intends that to be.

Pray with me, and I will pray for you too. Is there anyone you need to forgive, so that you can move on? Do you need to accept the total forgiveness from our Lord who died on the cross so that you can have this total freedom. Take this first step with me, and together we can `find that peace and rest.'

"Come to me, all you who are tired from carrying heavy loads (of unforgiveness, bitterness and guilt) and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28