So, why, if I find this so easy to do in my marriage, am I finding is so hard to do in other areas of my life. When I received my letter from Education Queensland telling me I could `fight' their decision to terminate my employeement, I was in no condition to do so. In fact at the time I didn't think they had done anything wrong. I had made the mistake of moving out of my speciality into the classroom. I was the bad teacher. I was the one who had let my depression effect my work.
Later after speaking with other `hard done by' ex-employees (as they called themselves), I realized I did have other choices. They could have given me a lot better counselling, they could have offered me the opportunity for leave, and most of all, they had no right to deny me of my long-service.
I was ready to fight, but I had another way of doing it. I was going to get a job with another Education Department - I was going to show them!! I would move on - WITHOUT FORGIVENESS and heart still full of bitterness.
Recently, I received a letter from NSW Teach (Education Department). They had turned down me down.
"In view of the Departments (NSW) Occupation Health and Safety Policy, my employment with NSW Teaching Service could seriously compromise the Departments duty of care."
"We also note that there were issues relating to to your performance as a teacher while employed with Education Queensland."
I was a health risk! How dare they! Now I was ready to fight. All I needed was that `Disability Act'. And what about these issues with Education Queensland - it's all their fault. I will never get a job now - because of them. The bitterness grew and grew and we all know what happens to a heart full of unforgiveness and bitterness.
"Their mouths are full of bitterness...... destruction and misery always follow them. They don't know where to find peace. They have no fear of God at all." Romans 3:14-18
Thank you Lord for your Word, and thank you for sending along my old mate Dr Henry - just in time. You don't want to fight - you want to move forward. `The problem is you.' If I take this new bitterness, this hurt into a new relationship (workplace) I am a health risk to myself, my students and my colleagues.
"Get rid of all bitterness, rage, anger. harsh words and slander, as well as all types of evil behaviour. Instead, be kind to each other, tenderhearted, FORGIVING ONE ANOTHER, just as God, through Christ has forgiven you." Ephesians 4:31&32
But I loved working for Education Queensland and I have been looking forward to being back in a school environment. I made a mistake, they made mistakes, but I cannot move on until I have this freedom from guilt and bitterness. I need to FORGIVE myself and the department.
I thank everyone who has supported me with their kind comments and reminders of God's love for me. But until I can `hold my head high and live free, walking through life without shame, guilt and bitterness', I can never have a brand new start - wherever God intends that to be.
Pray with me, and I will pray for you too. Is there anyone you need to forgive, so that you can move on? Do you need to accept the total forgiveness from our Lord who died on the cross so that you can have this total freedom. Take this first step with me, and together we can `find that peace and rest.'
"Come to me, all you who are tired from carrying heavy loads (of unforgiveness, bitterness and guilt) and I will give you rest." Matthew 11:28
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